G.O. For Change

Changing people, places, and things one blog at a time…

Archive for September 2012

Hater’s Gonna Hate

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Jealousy, in my opinion, is the feeling of unattainability (reread that). I have never been jealous of anyone, or anything, for the definition above. Are there things that I would like? Sure! But all things are attainable, but it’s really the willingness of the individual to attain it. For example, if there is a person who wants a Ferrari, or some other really expensive vehicle, but has limited finances, does that mean that they can’t get one? NO! It just means they may have to resort to doing things such as: getting MULTIPLE jobs, limiting their bills severely (eating only bread & water for a looooong time), or stealing one if necessary. The unfortunate thing about jealousy is summed up in one of my favorite quotes:

Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy — in fact, they’re almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.”-Robert Heinlein

I have been a victim of jealousy/”hateration”, and it really is a disturbing thing to witness. So to help others who have been targets of jealousy to understand WHY, here are a couple things to consider:

1. Jealousy isn’t about YOU: I know that you would like to believe that the hate is about you, sorry…while you are still awesome, jealousy comes from the things that the hater DOESN’T HAVE: options, the ability to do certain things, and the willingness to get it done. A jealous individual will resent someone whose is achieving their goals/dreams/aspirations. Why is this person jealous?…because THEY HAVE NOT ACHIEVED THE SAME!  Let’s take a look at NBA superstar LeBron James (check out my blog on his“decision” here)- this man was HATED for his decision to leave Cleveland, a choice he made for himself.  Listen to what LeBron had to say to the people who wanted to see him fail:


Hmm. Think about what he said – and how he responded to it. That’s a pretty good response to the people who were jealous/hating.

2. Negativity is the hater’s weapon of choice:  Know why? Because jealousy doesn’t allow for happiness. I am 6 foot 8 inches tall – and yes, I have been hated on for being tall. Is it my fault that I am this height, and someone else is shorter? Of course not! A person’s height doesn’t make or break them. But have I been a target of jealousy? Sure. A jealous person is often negative towards themselves, as well as those around them.

3. Just because someone offers you critique, doesn’t neccessarily make them a HATER:  If you decide to go to the club, but you have on too tight clothes, hair unkempt, and look WRONG, and people are taken aback by your look, it doesn’t mean you have haters, it just means that someone verbalized what everyone else believed. Recently, I deejay’d a wedding. During the rehearsal, one of the singers had an issue with my microphone. A bridesmaid, (who had been negative throughout the entire ordeal) had an issue with the microphone as well, and said very rudely “this microphone sucks!” I responded quite defensively, informing her that this was a high quality microphone. However, she may have heard more of my anger than my words. Afterward, I went home and researched any issues with my equipment and microphone, and then realized there WAS an issue with the microphone connection. The next day, the first thing I did when I saw the singer and the rude bridesmaid was to thank them for informing me of these issue. If you are a supervisor, or head of a company and you have complaints, listen to them-they may be telling you something. As a Baltimore Ravens fan, I have had a HUGE problem with Cam Cameron, offensive coordinator, and his play calling, and have verbalized it on social media posts, or at my local bar/tavern during game time. That doesn’t make me a hater, just a concerned fan. So if you are a victim of hate, what can YOU do?

Focus on YOU!

Haters often do not confront-they hide behind other people, social media, and other issues. If you look good, and people hate, what can you do? Disfigure yourself? If you own a successful company, and someone is jealous of that, should you go bankrupt? If you have a great relationship, and people are jealous, should you immediately end it, live in your parent’s basement, and watch Law & Order marathons? All those alternatives sound ridiculous, and appeasing to haters is just that – ridiculous. The only thing you can do is remain the person you are; promoting the good, improving on areas that need it, and enjoying life.   Looking back at LeBron, what would have happened if he stayed in Cleveland? Would he have all of the accolades (MVP, NBA Champion, and Olympic Gold Medalist)? Who knows, but he made decisions on what HE wanted to do, not based upon the haters.

As always, thanks for reading,

Garry

Ps. I would say to share this with a hater you know, but we know they aren’t going to read it.

Written by Garry O'Neal Jr.

September 26, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Breakdowns (And how they can lead to BreakTHROUGHS)

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Recently, my check engine light came on. My wife and I were on our way to the airport to start our vacation when it happened. My car would jerk and hesitate, and even refused to start at times, which needless to say, was very frustrating. It was frustrating, but I still put it off- I went out with my friends, even when I realized that my warranty covered it, I STILL didn’t act with the urgency and respect that my main mode of transportation required. It was only when my car cut off at a red light that I got it repaired. Now, I am fortunate to say that my car is back to its optimum level, as well as my confidence to speed take a casual drive through the city. While my car was the center of a breakdown, I offer you a reflection of breakdowns, and how they can lead to breakTHROUGHS:

  • Recognize that there is a problem: In breakdown, SOMETHING is wrong. In vehicles, we have lights, buzzers and indicators. In life, it may not be a light or a buzzer, but there are indicators. If you feel that you are “stuck” or you seem disgruntled at work, in relationships, and other areas, then take that as a sign that there is a problem (i.e. breakdown).
  • Identify the problem: When my check engine light came on, I went to get it checked; I stopped by my local auto parts store to diagnose the problem. A computer was hooked up to my car, and my car told the computer what the problem was. We also have that capability! Right now, take a piece a paper, and write down areas that you wish to improve. See- pretty easy!
  • Act with Urgency and Respect:  As I wrote earlier, I had problems with my car, but I blew it off, even when I knew it HAD to be done. I paid for my neglect when my car stalled when I needed to meet with a client. When there is a breakdown, make sure you treat it as soon as possible, and with the urgency and respect it deserves. Remember: “When you’re dying of thirst, it’s too late to think about digging a well”-Chinese Proverb
  • Seek support: My mechanic Perry has been my trusted mechanic for all of the cars that I have owned. He no longer works in a shop, but he still fixes cars. When I went to him with my problem, he was able to fix it, and send me on my way. When breakdowns happen, it is critical to get support from trusted individuals who have your best interest. It seems that more people air their personal issues on social media, which doesn’t really do anything except people know your affairs (reread that).
  • Breaking Through: I felt bad that I neglected something that was important to me. While we have more than one car, my wife, son and I often take trips in my car. How would I have felt if my car broke down while only my wife and son were in the car? What if there was an emergency and my car was in breakdown? My resolution for dealing with the car resonates to other areas as well. From this experience, I learned these valuable points, and I have made a resolution to not procrastinate. When breaking through a situation, it restores your confidence, happiness, and other positive feelings. It is easy to look at a situation and only view the negative, but what about the lesson? “The biggest problem in the world could have been solved when it was small”–Wittier Bynner.

As always, thanks for reading,

 Garry

 

 

 

Written by Garry O'Neal Jr.

September 5, 2012 at 11:55 am

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