G.O. For Change

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Archive for April 2013

Relationships 101

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Relationships Title Slide

Happy Spring everyone! Ah, spring- the time of year where the weather gets warmer, the days gets longer, and the flowers are in full bloom! And just like those awesome flowers, dating kicks up as well (technically, dating season officially starts during the late weeks of February).

While dating has changed over the years (typically people are speeding up the “romantic” stage, and lessening the “getting to know each other” stage), the core concept of dating is still the same: finding someone that you share similar interests, and hopefully, have a loving, lasting relationship with.

If you are starting to date, please allow your friendly neighborhood Life Coach to offer you some suggestions, as you wade through the sea of potential suitors:

1.Get YOURSELF Right!: Before venturing out into the dating world, you should do a self-assessment, so you will be the best YOU when meeting someone. Are you just getting out of a relationship, and haven’t had time to process? Do you have anger issues, or other potentially “relationship-killing” issues that need to be resolved? Please resolve them prior to starting any new relationship.

2. Identify what you want: We all have our preferences, and that’s great! Make a clear determination of what you want, which, coincidentally informs you of what you DON’T want. Identify deal breakers (i.e. chronic bad breath), and things that you might be able to work around (i.e. opposing political views). If you want someone who is looking for a long-term relationship, or looking to (or not looking to) have children, or be financially stable, have certain assets, then by all means, jot it down. I would however, point out 1 thing- your preferences may lower your dating candidates, but don’t give up, and don’t settle! He/She is out there!

3. Communicate your expectations: Exactly, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a serious relationship, resulting in marriage, are you just looking for friendship/companionship, or something else? Communication is the key to any successful relationship- whether it is business or personal. Think about any job you have ever had; did they tell you 3 months into the position of their wants, or did they tell you right away what they required? If you are getting to know someone, and they inform you that they aren’t looking for a “serious relationship”, and you want to get married within the next 2 years, wouldn’t it better to release yourself from that commitment early, than waste your time?

4. Don’t ignore the red flags: I love the quote by Maya Angelou- “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”(PLEASE reread that!) If you are out on a date, and your spidey senses are tingling, don’t ignore the red flags! Here are some “red flags” to look out for:

  • Being rude: If someone is rude to others in front of you, and they barely know you, how do you think they will treat you later?
  • People who want a relationship too quickly: Look, I know (yes, you!) are awesome, but if you are on a date, and they are already naming your future kids…run!
  • Liars: If someone is omitting information- children, a spouse, or other information that you inquire about, this should definitely be a red flag. As I tell my friends who are dating, lying to someone robs them of making their own decisions.
  • Drama: If they seem to have constant drama following them, why entertain them? (you can also direct them to #1 of this list)

As you are going on dates, remember: you have the RIGHT to be selfish initially- if someone doesn’t have what you want, MOVE ON! Don’t settle with someone, just because they seem interested, and you haven’t found that special person, or your biological clock is ticking, or you feel that you “should be married by now”. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait…right?

As always, thanks for reading,

Garry

p.s. Make sure that YOU can bring good qualities to the table as well! You can’t have a laundry list of things you want in a mate, and YOUR list of attributes is pretty bare. Just an FYI.

 

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