G.O. For Change

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Archive for April 2014

Dating 301: Categories

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Behold, the final installment of the dating advice I have laid out to you! Hopefully, we have survived the  gambit which was winter, and now spring should be peering around the corner. With the birds chirping, and the flowers in bloom, most people will start dating again. Before you take that leap and jump back in the dating pool, please make sure you are caught up on “Relationship 101” , “Dating 102“, and “The 3 C’s“. Trust me, after reading those, you will ensure you don’t waste your time!

 

According to weather.com, there are 5 categories of hurricanes, ranging from category 1 (minimal) (74 – 95 mph winds, damage primarily restricted to shrubbery, trees, and unanchored mobile homes; no substantial damage to other structures) to category 5 (CATASTROPHIC!) (winds  greater than 155 mph, complete failure on many roofs of residences and industrial buildings; extensive shattering of glass in windows and doors; complete buildings destroyed; small building overturned or blown away; mobile homes demolished).

 

Now, I know you are wondering what hurricanes have to do with dating. The reason they are placed in categories,, is to inform you of what you may  experience, and how you should treat them. In dating/relationships, it is also vital to place people in their proper categories,  that way, you can know what to expect, and act accordingly. There have been too many instances where people have NOT properly categorized their relationship with an individual, and disaster has occurred. Imagine if your local weatherperson told you that there was a category 1 hurricane, coming tomorrow, when really, it was a category 5! Imagine the chaos!  So, to help you avoid catastrophes in your life, below is a list of categories for you to review.  I challenge to place the people in your life in the correct categories, or problems may occur!

 

Acquaintances: here are a group of people who you may know superficially. They may be someone you just met, a colleague at work, or even a social event. Bottom line, YOU DO NOT KNOW this person. You could get to know this person, which could lead to-

 

Dating: (a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship, or as a spouse.) In this stage, you may share common interests, be attracted to each other, and are looking to see where going out may lead you. In this stage, you should be going out more, and spending more time with each other. This person may be more than an acquaintance, but at this point they are less than a friend because–

 

Friends: Friends are defined as “a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection”. “Friends” has been a title tossed around too easily. Not everyone you meet is your friend. Just because you work at the same place, see them at a nightclub, praise the same deity, or even liked a similar post on social media, you are not friends. You may have a lot of “friends” on social media, but in the event of an emergency, could you call on all of them? Carefully choose whom you refer to as friend.

In reference to dating, if you are going out, and engaging in social activities with someone, for all intents and purposes, you are not friends, you are just dating. Hopefully it leads to something more serious, like being–

 

Exclusive: (defined as:restricted or limited to the person, group, or area concerned”) As a former gamer (I am married, with 2 kids, I couldn’t find the time even if I wanted), there would be one game that is partnered with one console, and only one console- which means, that a game like “God of War” would only be available for PlayStation 3—if you owned an Xbox, or another gaming console, you wouldn’t be able to play the game, outside of purchasing the PlayStation 3. When you are exclusive, there are no other game systems you can be played on. It is just you, and that person. While this is the blossoming stage of a relationship, I would highly suggest that you define what “exclusive” means between the 2 of you, and what that entails.

 

Relationship: (an emotional or other connection between people) In reference to dating, this is where you want to be. This is the last stage, before the ultimate level (marriage). Sometimes, people may confuse being in a relationship with dating. You may have feelings with someone while you are dating them, but being in a relationship with this person is more than just casually going out, it is a strong connection about that person that can bloom into a long-lasting relationship.

You should have no doubt that you are in a relationship, based upon your discussions. Do NOT assume when it comes to dating and relationships.  You may think that you are on the same page, but you may find, you are not even in the same book, get it?

 

When you add someone to a category, naturally you associate feelings and actions within that category. It is critical to place them in the correct category based upon their actions and statements. Often, people incorrectly categorize individuals; if a person you meet is just an acquaintance, it would not be fair to you, or that person to put them in any other category. A person’s placement in a category should be based upon their actions, not just statements, or the category in which you WANT them to be.

These categories are here to protect your time, effort, and feelings. They are too valuable to be wasted…right? If you are creating your own list of categories, please share.

 

As always, thanks for reading.

Garry

 

P.S. There was one category that I left out- the ole’ “Friends with benefits” category. Friends with benefits, or FWB, are commonly associated with people being sexually involved, with no attachments. Look-we are all adults, and if FWB is for you, than what consenting adults do is their business. I would highly suggest that you let your intentions known. It may be for that person, it may not—bottom line, tell them immediately, so they can decide if that is the category they want to be in. There is nothing worse than a person being robbed of making their own decisions.

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