#EndFathersDay?

Recently, there was a hashtag, #endfathersday that showed up days before Father’s Day, which caused a lot of controversy. Although #EndFathersDay was found to be just  a hoax, people still used it to spew a lot of hatred. My dear brothers and sisters, allow me to share my thoughts on the subject:If you are in favor of this “ideology”, I will pray for you. I can’t imagine the person who is so full of hatred and anger that they would even consider engaging an ounce of effort into this….madness. I assume you may have had unsuccessful male interactions (either from a father, or boyfriends), and for that, I can see where your suppressed anger and disappointment may manifest itself into childlike behavior, such as a hashtag, a rant, or passive aggressive behavior in your life towards males.

At the end of the day, if there were some external factors (i.e. father who was absentee, or abusive etc.)that were out of your control, I pray that you release yourself from the past. I cannot imagine the pain that you have experienced, and for that, I pray you get the help and support you need . Do NOT allow the past to hold you hostage from your present and future.

If your anger stems from poor male relationships, (i.e. boyfriends, father of your child(rens), I hope that you look at the situations, and learn from them. While it is easy to point the finger (and you may be completely valid in your judgement), I also challenge you to accept 100% responsibility for your role in the situation.Were there things that you accepted,despite your better judgement? If you saw those red flags, and choose to ignore them, then you are just as much to blame.

Bottom line, if you decided to “SHIFT” you can now rejoice in the fact that you now know what you DON’T want in relationship. I hope that you take time out, release yourself from the past, and keep optimism and joy in your heart. Allow the men who have done what they are supposed to do,to be honored and praised. You are better than that……right?

 

As always, thanks for reading

Signed,A Proud Dad (Garry)

Lessons I learned from my Son

 

Today is my Son’s 3^rd birthday.  3 years ago, I remember taking my wife to the hospital, where our doctor casually informed us that the baby would be coming today,  me going home to let the dog use the bathroom, then as my wife informed me to get back ASAP, me threatening the dog to pee,  speeding back to the hospital, the pushing and breathing, and finally, Logan popping out, looking at me for a second with a “what the hell just happened” look on his face, followed by the loudest cry I’ve ever heard in my life.

These last 3 years have been remarkable. I remember someone telling me that having children changes you. Boy, were they right! Here are some things that I learned from my son, my son has taught me:

1. Patience (or my understanding of my lack thereof): If you are a parent, I guarantee you just nodded your head. I thought I had a pretty good grip on being patience- I work with youth all day, but this is a different level.
2. It’s not about ME: As a professional Life Coach, I always focus on the actions of YOU- YOUR goals, YOUR actions, YOUR willingness, but my Son has taught me that it is all about him- I can’t live vicariously through him- so while I will equip him with the things necessary for him to be well-rounded, I can’t force him to be a basketball player, or a Life Coach. 
3.  It is about ME: Wait…what? I know this contradicts the previous lesson, but the difference is how my actions affect him. My actions, beliefs, and attitude, will, whether short-term or long-term, play a part in how he views things (take a look at Erik Erickson’s stages of development for more insight) I am the first impression that he has of a man, and I work tirelessly to make sure that his father is a role model for what he aspires to be like (better than). This means that the “do as I say, not as a do” crap doesn’t work. If I want to teach him that exercise and eating healthy is great, I can’t eat cheesesteaks every day, and playing “Call of Duty 2” all day (even if I am an elite player).  Whether you believe it or not, our children become interested in what WE do
4. Playtime is AWESOME!  Just running around, playing, making him laugh- these are the most important things I make time for. Those times when we are laughing and acting silly are times that can’t be replaced.  
5. Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child:  Support and accountability is understood no matter the age. My son knows what his mother and I say goes. This will resonate with him as he gets older. If you ask me do I spoil my child, I couldn’t say I don’t, but my son also knows what spankings (if warranted) feel like too. Providing support and accountability is CRITICAL in the development of children. Talk to your kids, hug and kiss your kids, but if they need to be disciplined, that’s the way of life. I have seen too many children have poor attitude and behavior because their parents had a laissez-faire attitude. Chances are, you have seen them in your local grocery store, or mall, or at a 3-year old birthday party (just kidding!)

As always, thank you for reading.

Garry

P.S.  To my son Logan, when you get older (and the internet is still available), I hope you read all of my blogs. You were my inspiration. I love you.

P.P.S. Please look for a blog later in the future entitled “Lessons I learned from my Daughter”, as we are expecting our 2^nd bundle of joy this summer! (Question: do I get a free gun NOW, or after she is born?)

A Toast to the Fathers

Here is a toast to YOU….big guy!

                I remember when I first found out when my wife and I were having a baby; the movie we watched when it was time to look at the test results, and what I said to myself when it read “positive”; “here we go”. I remember all of the things associated with the arrival of my son, the doctor visits, the strict list of approved meals/food that could be brought into the house, the endless runs to subway for their pizza- I remember it all.  I remember how I felt as the sonogram person (I’m pretty sure she has a fancy title, but, eh.) informed us that we would be having a son, and when the doctor informed us in March that a baby would be coming, I remember saying to myself “here we go”.

Now, a year and some change later, my son is a small computer; able to process what he does not want, or want within .00032 seconds, and effectively communicate with me in the same time. I already realize my son will be better than me, simply because we are supposed to be better than our parents, for our parents put in the hard work for that TO happen. My son has already been able to use sign language at 1 (I didn’t start till I was 3). All of my decisions are now geared toward his success; all my sacrifices, all of my efforts, and achievements are designed so that he can one day say “my dad did this, so I can too”. For the fathers/dads/daddy’s out there (not the “sperm donors”, or dudes who aren’t around- I’ll get to you in a minute), realize that in a family structure, the dad is pretty much like the offensive/defensive line in football: our job is an endless, time-consuming, daunting task- we protect and assist to make sure that the QB is protected. Yes, you will be beat up from time to time, undervalued, and not appreciated at times, but  we are responsible for making sure our children grow up to be productive. As you will see tomorrow on the social media networks, people will have a lot of negative stuff to say about the males who helped in the creation of their child, from issues of not being there, or not contributing financially, it will indeed be an onslaught of harsh comments. If you fall under the category of one of ones they will be talking about, fear not fellow brethren, for this isn’t the place to bash you. Realize you can start being a part of your child’s life today- sure, there will be some issues that you may have to overcome, but you’ve heard of the adage about the journey beginning with a single step haven’t you? Of course you have. So get back to it, your kid(s) need you.

So to my peeps who have been there from day 1, tomorrow is a special occasion, sure, it’s not momentous as Mother’s Day, so don’t worry about it. Realize that your homemade cards, gifts, and the hugs from your children are the real gifts. So, tomorrow, raise your glass and give a “Mazel Tov” for the fathers out there; because we got to get back to work. Enjoy your day. We earned it.

Garry O’Neal Jr., Dad