G.O. For Change

Changing people, places, and things one blog at a time…

Posts Tagged ‘me

#EndFathersDay?

with one comment

fea-dad-hed-2012
Recently, there was a hashtag, #endfathersday that showed up days before Father’s Day, which caused a lot of controversy. Although #EndFathersDay was found to be just  a hoax, people still used it to spew a lot of hatred. My dear brothers and sisters, allow me to share my thoughts on the subject:If you are in favor of this “ideology”, I will pray for you. I can’t imagine the person who is so full of hatred and anger that they would even consider engaging an ounce of effort into this….madness. I assume you may have had unsuccessful male interactions (either from a father, or boyfriends), and for that, I can see where your suppressed anger and disappointment may manifest itself into childlike behavior, such as a hashtag, a rant, or passive aggressive behavior in your life towards males.

At the end of the day, if there were some external factors (i.e. father who was absentee, or abusive etc.)that were out of your control, I pray that you release yourself from the past. I cannot imagine the pain that you have experienced, and for that, I pray you get the help and support you need . Do NOT allow the past to hold you hostage from your present and future.

If your anger stems from poor male relationships, (i.e. boyfriends, father of your child(rens), I hope that you look at the situations, and learn from them. While it is easy to point the finger (and you may be completely valid in your judgement), I also challenge you to accept 100% responsibility for your role in the situation.Were there things that you accepted,despite your better judgement? If you saw those red flags, and choose to ignore them, then you are just as much to blame.

Bottom line, if you decided to “SHIFT” you can now rejoice in the fact that you now know what you DON’T want in relationship. I hope that you take time out, release yourself from the past, and keep optimism and joy in your heart. Allow the men who have done what they are supposed to do,to be honored and praised. You are better than that……right?

 

As always, thanks for reading
Signed,A Proud Dad (Garry)

Lessons I learned from my Son

leave a comment »

 superhero-dad

Today is my Son’s 3rd birthday.  3 years ago, I remember taking my wife to the hospital, where our doctor casually informed us that the baby would be coming today,  me going home to let the dog use the bathroom, then as my wife informed me to get back ASAP, me threatening the dog to pee,  speeding back to the hospital, the pushing and breathing, and finally, Logan popping out, looking at me for a second with a “what the hell just happened” look on his face, followed by the loudest cry I’ve ever heard in my life.

These last 3 years have been remarkable. I remember someone telling me that having children changes you. Boy, were they right! Here are some things that I learned from my son, my son has taught me:

  1. Patience (or my understanding of my lack thereof): If you are a parent, I guarantee you just nodded your head. I thought I had a pretty good grip on being patience- I work with youth all day, but this is a different level.
  2. It’s not about ME: As a professional Life Coach, I always focus on the actions of YOU- YOUR goals, YOUR actions, YOUR willingness, but my Son has taught me that it is all about him- I can’t live vicariously through him- so while I will equip him with the things necessary for him to be well-rounded, I can’t force him to be a basketball player, or a Life Coach. 
  3.  It is about ME: Wait…what? I know this contradicts the previous lesson, but the difference is how my actions affect him. My actions, beliefs, and attitude, will, whether short-term or long-term, play a part in how he views things (take a look at Erik Erickson’s stages of development for more insight) I am the first impression that he has of a man, and I work tirelessly to make sure that his father is a role model for what he aspires to be like (better than). This means that the “do as I say, not as a do” crap doesn’t work. If I want to teach him that exercise and eating healthy is great, I can’t eat cheesesteaks every day, and playing “Call of Duty 2” all day (even if I am an elite player).  Whether you believe it or not, our children become interested in what WE do
  4. Playtime is AWESOME!  Just running around, playing, making him laugh- these are the most important things I make time for. Those times when we are laughing and acting silly are times that can’t be replaced.  
  5. Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child:  Support and accountability is understood no matter the age. My son knows what his mother and I say goes. This will resonate with him as he gets older. If you ask me do I spoil my child, I couldn’t say I don’t, but my son also knows what spankings (if warranted) feel like too. Providing support and accountability is CRITICAL in the development of children. Talk to your kids, hug and kiss your kids, but if they need to be disciplined, that’s the way of life. I have seen too many children have poor attitude and behavior because their parents had a laissez-faire attitude. Chances are, you have seen them in your local grocery store, or mall, or at a 3-year old birthday party (just kidding!)

As always, thank you for reading.

Garry

P.S.  To my son Logan, when you get older (and the internet is still available), I hope you read all of my blogs. You were my inspiration. I love you.

P.P.S. Please look for a blog later in the future entitled “Lessons I learned from my Daughter”, as we are expecting our 2nd bundle of joy this summer! (Question: do I get a free gun NOW, or after she is born?)

the_perfect_fathers_day_gift___d_a_d_d_dads_against_daughters_dating_22c9f0da

Written by Garry O'Neal Jr.

March 25, 2013 at 12:12 am

Options Vs. Default Mode

with 3 comments

 

The dictionary defines “option” as the power or freedom to choose. The idea of having a choice ranges upon many different decisions- what type of mate shall I be with? What school should I go to? How many kids do I want?  Where to go for dinner? We are surrounded by constant opportunities to make a decision.

The word “default” is defined as “to fail to do what is required” (reread that). At times, we all default on something-loans, what to eat for dinner (you WERE going to cook, but it got late, and you didn’t feel like it), and other things, but we should realize that we often play a part in a situation’s failure or success.

For example, I have no problems with my job. While I think that there may be some things that can be changed, I really don’t have a problem with my job. If I did have a problem with my job- I mean, such a problem where I woke up like “man, I hate going to work”, then I would find another job-simple as that. No arguing, no huffing and or puffing- just looking and applying every day until I found one. The other day, I was at work, and here is the dialogue I had with one of the workers:

                Me: Good Morning, how are things going?

                She: Looking for a new job- I hate it here…..

                Me: What’s for lunch today?

I know some of you are like, why didn’t you counsel her? You want to know why? Because………..SHE SAYS IT EVERY WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally want to say

  EVERYDAY!!! I mean really? I know some people that they can’t do what they WANT to do, but you can…its just that some people aren’t willing to do what it takes! The woman in the discussion above WANTS a new job, but is not willing to do something like, improver her education, so that she CAN get another job. She now is in default mode.

         Default mode isn’t a great place to be; I’m not talking about being patient, and waiting for an opportunity- I’m talking about realizing that you now are subject to whatever happens, and just taking it. Chances are, you know someone who is in default mode (and if you don’t, it’s probably you…). They appear disgruntled, unhappy, resistant to change- and just overall negative. Look at their Facebook posts; do they openly state their disdain for their job, friends and family, and spouses? When you talk to them and listen to their negativity, do you just want to

 I figured you did…even now, Vday is right around the corner…look at how may posts are going to be negative. I mean, how can you have resentment about a day that honors LOVE? (Answer: unless you were in default mode in regards to relationship)

 

Make sure that you identify if you have options, or you are in default mode. Here are some tips to help:

  • Are your goals lining up with what you are doing? If they are, great! If not, figure out what is going on, and what you can do.
  • In the event that you are in a situation that’s undesirable, what are you doing about it? If you are making plans, and executing, great! If not, figure out what your challenges are, and create a plan of action.
  • Are you aligning yourself with options? If yes, then great! If not, then start making some!

The key to getting out of default mode is to start making custom changes. If you have ever owned an Ipod, or other electronics, you will notice that as soon as you open it, it is in default mode. It is up to YOU to customize it to your liking…….much like LIFE! As always, thanks for reading.

Written by Garry O'Neal Jr.

February 13, 2011 at 6:12 pm

%d bloggers like this: